


Fool's Reprieve

by littledemon66



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: April Fools' Day, Arguing, Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, Dumb Married Couple Things, F/F, For the RadioDust server event, Humor, M/M, Stupid Arguments, but not serious arguing, well more like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23428480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledemon66/pseuds/littledemon66
Summary: Alastor and Angel are arguing about the best way to kill someone.Charlie and Vaggie try to work out the best way to redeem a demon.Sir Pentious just doesn't understand what's going on anymore.
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 2
Kudos: 117





	Fool's Reprieve

**Author's Note:**

> This was made for the April Fool's event for the RadioDust server and I actually finished it beforehand and didn't have to rush! Amazing, I know.
> 
> Made for Mentally Febrezed. Hope you enjoy!

“Al, c’mon. Knives are way too boring. Guns are so much easier to kill people. You can have more distance from the victim!” Angel argued to his husband.

“My dear, using a knife is much more personal. You can see the fear in their eyes as you end their life! If you use a gun, the thrill of the hunt is gone!” Alastor snarked back.

“Okay, what the hell? It’s not about the ‘thrill of the hunt!’ It’s about efficiency and getting the job done!” Angel cocked his gun, aiming it at Alastor’s forehead. “See, I could easily kill you right now if you were a human. One shot and you’d be dead before you could even process what happened.”

“Pointless killing is just that. Pointless. If you can’t enjoy it, then what’s the point of it all?” Alastor sighed, batting the gun away from his forehead. “Killing is about the fun you have while doing it!”

“Man, you’re fucked up. Killin’ somebody’s s’posed to be easy! I mean, I guess you can have a little fun with it though…” Angel supposed. “But y’know what’s more fun than stabbin’ someone? Not gettin’ caught.”

“Are you trying to imply that if you use a knife, you will most definitely be caught?” Alastor raised an eyebrow.

“Uh, yeah! The cops can smell you out like that! But if you’re usin’ a gun, you don’t need to be close!” Angel bantered.

“I’ll have you know that I used knives very often and I was never caught.” Alastor reasoned. “The closest I got to getting caught was when I used a gun.”

“Well you prob’ly just couldn’t use a gun right! Don’t go blamin’ the weapon for your fuck-ups.” Angel grumbled.

“And now I hear the police have a way to match a bullet to a gun! With the… ballisto markings.” Alastor said slowly, modern terms far too unfamiliar to him.

“Ballistic markings? Ah yeah. I hear those are a pain in the ass to mobs now. But you can work around ‘em! But they got all sorts o’ tech now for knives. They can match blood from a knife to a victim!” Angel complained. “Killin’ people’s way harder now. Tha’s the good thing ‘bout bein’ a little bit older.”

“Is that so?” Alastor pondered it. It was a curious thought though.

Since when had the police actually put effort into finding criminals? So a gun  _ and _ a knife were out of the question for the living? That would just mean that the living would get more creative with their killing methods. Alastor laughed at the thought of police attempting to solve a murder where they couldn’t figure anything out. It reminded him of when he was alive.

“I should ask Vag if she knows anythin’. I remember her sayin’ something about how she liked to watch crime shows on TV.” Angel snapped his fingers. “I’m gonna do that right now actually.

Angel whipped his phone out of his pocket and started to text Vaggie. Then he pocketed his phone without waiting for a response.

“But listen. Guns were better in my time. And they were always better. Knives are useless.” Angel said.

“Are they now? Well, you best keep your pig safe tonight. Wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to it.” Alastor said cryptically.

“Wh-” Angel paused. “You better not do anything to little Nuggs, you hear me?”

“I never said I was going to do anything. I only said to be careful in case something does occur.” With that, Alastor left with a flourish, leaving behind a grumbling Angel.

~~~~~

“Hun, you can’t just redeem someone with stickers and rainbows.” Vaggie sighed, pulling rainbow colored paper out of her hair. “We have to think of something better. Like getting rid of that bar.”

“But Vaggie, you know that the bar attracts more patrons! If we get rid of it, no one’s gonna stop by!” Charlie quipped. “And we’ve already redeemed some demons! We have progress!”   
  
“Yeah, but the ones we redeemed weren’t even that bad. They need an incentive or something. We can’t just say that they won’t be killed in an extermination. Some of them don’t care about that.” Vaggie adjusted the gold ring on her finger, making sure it wouldn’t fall off of her hand.

“What about if we tell them that they can see their friends and family again? Every person wants to see the people they love again!” Charlie exclaimed but her wife soon shut that idea down.

“Not everyone wants to see their family again. And some people are down here with all the people they know. Charlie, you can’t save everyone.” Vaggie held Charlie by the shoulders. “You have to face that. Not everyone can be saved. And not everyone  _ wants _ to be saved.”

“I know that… But we need to save everyone that does want to be better. That’s what we’re here for, right?” Charlie softened under Vaggie’s touch. “I just don’t want my people to be killed every year. I’m doing this for them.”

“C’mon.” Vaggie lowered her hands, bringing them down to hold Charlie’s hands. “Let’s take the day off. It’s April Fool’s Day. We shouldn’t be serious today. We’ll make that tomorrow’s problem. For now, let’s just have fun.”

Charlie smiled at her wife. Yeah, they could worry about it tomorrow. But today was going to be all about them.

“Can we switch out Husk’s drink with nonalcoholic stuff?” Charlie asked. Vaggie grinned.

“Oh absolutely. I hate that damn bar anyway. Let’s go ruin it.” Vaggie pulled her wife by hand, laughing the whole time.

~~~~~

Sir Pentious glared at all of his egg minions. Instead of working on an evil machine that would help him take over the entire Pentagon, they were sitting around and doing absolutely nothing!

“Care to explain yourselves?” The snake demon hissed at his minions. They all looked up at him sheepishly.

“Well, boss.” One of the eggs piped up. “It’s April Fool’s Day today.”

“April Fool’s Day?” Sir Pentious echoed. What in the blazes was that?

“You don’t know about it, boss?” A different egg spoke up this time. “It’s a day where you just play pranks and jokes on other people. Sounds perfect for you.”

“A day of pranks?” Sir Pentious thought to himself. Well, it  _ was _ perfect for him. And while other demons were playing pranks on each other, he could take over the entire Pentagon! And maybe he could join in on the fun as well.

“Yeah, boss.” Some of the other eggs began to talk over each other. “We were even planning on how to prank y-”

Before that egg could finish, the others began to yell over it. Some of them even jumped on it to silence it.

“SILENCE!” Sir Pentious yelled, making the room go completely silent. “Now…”

The snake demon glared directly at the egg that had spoken.

“Repeat what you said.” Sir Pentious asked slowly.

“Um… I was going to say…” the egg looked around nervously, likely fearing for its safety. “...that we were planning a prank on y… your enemy, Cherri Bomb!”

The other eggs all sighed in relief. Sir Pentious, a bit of a dense demon, didn’t suspect a thing.

“Is that right?” Sir Pentious turned the idea over in his head. If he could play a prank on Cherri Bomb, then she would likely be distracted. And that gave him an opening! “I, too, would like to get involved in the prank planning!”


End file.
